Called to Have an Impact – Fostering Rainbows

As I stumble into the 2014 holiday season and year-end review process season, I am feeling the least fulfilled I have in a long time. The phrase, “is this all there is?” comes to mind.  

 

I’ve learned a great deal in the last few years.  The big lesson for 2014 appears to be I am called to have an impact.  I have a good job with a good company that pays reasonably well and provides fabulous health coverage, but I struggle.  I struggle with feeling inadequate, with feeling I am letting people down, with the desire to be happy and leave my mark.  Is it that I turned 54 and the end of tunnel is closer than the beginning, is it childhood trauma coming back to haunt me or is it something else?  Whatever it is, it is time to move past it.

How to move past it?  Therapy? I have done that, it is past focused, historical and those lessons have been learned.  At least I think they have. Library therapy, aka another self-help book, been there done that too.  Let’s be real, I know what I need to do.  I need to stop hiding, being afraid of failure, being afraid of success and just do it.  I need to get back to doing those things I can to have an impact and help make the world a better place.  I’ve done it before.  Time to stop letting one failure and other people’s opinions paralyze me from being my best self.

I had an idea a year ago that I haven’t really pursued, Fostering Rainbows, coaching LGBT parents and foster parents, creating trainings for foster care agencies on LGBT issues and kids and expanding the LGBT movement beyond marriage equality to other issues like foster care, food insecurity and us aging queens.  Today, for reasons unknown to me now, this became a much bigger priority, driver in my life.

One thing that gives me joy is PFLAG Thief River Falls.  It is the one thing I’ve done this year that feels impactful.  I created something from nothing and now a small group of fabulously talented and committed people are changing things. This will be my inspiration as I use my year-end process to let go of 2014 and create a spectacular 2015.

No more drama driven life.